Hi, everyone! Did everyone’s year end on a good note? Was your self-reflection as the day for resolution-making approached very productive? Mine was alright. Here are the results:
I noticed over the past two years that my writing comes in cycles. It seems I’m most productive during the late winter, spring, and early summer, and it falls off. Is there a seasonal disaffection disorder for creativity? I plan to end that cycle this year, though, and be more productive year-round.
My roommate Mo is now a full-time histologist and part-time student (it’s a long certification!), which means I will be very lonely. But I’ll have a lot more time to work, which should also help with my production.
I’m going to be more aggressive about putting my work out there. Previously, I would always tell myself that things weren’t good enough to share, or good enough to advertise; that it didn’t ‘deserve’ to be in hashtags, to be ‘shoved in people’s faces.’ This is a pernicious cocktail of imposter syndrome, anxiety, and depression (that old one-two punch of anxiety and depression that hamstrings so many people…) But my brain’s a lil’ bitch and I refuse to listen to its bullshit any longer. Fuck that thing. Even if I don’t actually think I’m that good, I’ll act with crazed confidence just to spite my own mental illness.
With recent developments in the production and sale of erotic products, which, y’know, is my entire brand, I’m concerned with the future of my work. There’s a lot to say about this, all of which is a huge tangent. Suffice to say, the work I wanted to pursue, Pure Filth, is looking like an entire quagmire of legal problems and things I frankly lack the physical and emotional energy to handle at present. I guess I’ll just have to diversify!
These resolutions and issues are the things I plan to make important during the New Year. I’ve learned that a good resolution, at least for me, isn’t necessarily a goal, but a priority. Prioritize work, or health, or family, and see the physical results come in. Maybe more goal-oriented people have better luck, better focus, but mostly I just felt bad when I failed to achieve the idealized picture of success I had generated. Since my entire risk-reward system is based around ‘preserve what little remains of my self-esteem,’ this was not very motivating. I feel this change of perception will help me succeed! I’ll just have to see if it works.
More than anything, if you’re a follower, or a lurker, or even just someone random who’s never been here before, I hope that you have a good year! Let’s do our best to accomplish our goals! We have no choice but to hurtle forward through the uncertain future toward fates unknown, so we should all do so together.
2018 is dead. 2019 will die too. A year from now, let’s all meet again to send off the old year and welcome in the new us.